You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
