Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
