sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
