Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
