Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
