Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
