this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
