I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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