I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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