a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize