i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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