If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
