Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
