Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize