I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You can't special order awesome
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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