She's JV to your varsity
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
