Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize