Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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