We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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