I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
