So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
