I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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