You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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