she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
