I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
