Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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