i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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