Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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