6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
