So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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