I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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