You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
