Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
