I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
