So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
