i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
accomplished twins. life is a go
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
