TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You made out with two different species that night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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