That's when you crack a 10am beer
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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