OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
