tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
