I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
