every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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