my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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