if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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