Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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