I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
