You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I look better un-naked...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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