I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
