I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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