um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
