Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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