we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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