I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
