um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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