dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
