Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
