Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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