so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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