If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
bring money and cleavage
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize