why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
