it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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