im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
how does that bad decision feel?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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