I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
