I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
