I'll bet she douches with gravy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
